Everybody knows somebody who attracts people like a magnet and wins them over just as easily. It's no mystery -- it's charisma. And while it's easy to recognize, it's a bit harder to quantify.

In his book, "Charisma: Seven Keys to Developing the Magnetism That Leads to Success," Dr. Tony Alessandra has not only defined charisma, he's boiled it down to a science. Alessandra's book dispels the myth that charisma is an inborn trait. Rather, he says, personal charm and magnetism can be developed. That's good news for sales professionals looking for any advantage they can come by in today's competitive selling environment.

They say first impressions last a lifetime. Alessandra says that's why it's so important to send the right silent messages. "The physical aspects -- the way we dress, our eye contact, our posture, our smile and how we look in terms of health and energy -- make the first impression," notes Alessandra. Of course, looks aren't everything. Mental fitness, along with your depth and breadth of knowledge, are key aspects of the silent message.

Making others feel more attractive most often results in you becoming more attractive to them. Listening with care is one of the best, and perhaps overlooked, ways to charm a potential client. But Alessandra says most sales pros confuse listening with hearing.

"Listening is more than the physical process of hearing; it's intellectual and emotional effort," explains Alessandra. A good listener asks questions, gives feedback, and remains objective. "Good listening draws people to you," he says. "Poor listening causes them to drift away."

Another key to charisma is the power of persuasion. Persuasion skills help your sales ratio, as well as your charisma quotient. Alessandra says many people just aren't skilled at the art of persuasion -- but clearly communicating why a buyer should make a purchase is the only way to ensure a sale.

Much of persuasion depends on the ability to speak well. "You can have a terrific idea, but who's going to know about it if you don't articulate it?" asks Alessandra. Better speaking skills aren't incidental to your success, he insists; they are they key to it.

Charismatic people bring others closer to them by respecting their space and time. "It affects the level of tension or trust between you and another person," says Alessandra. "Contact-oriented people communicate closer physically, mentally and emotionally. Non-contact people keep others at arm's length and share information on a need-to-know basis." It's the same with time -- how you spend it with others can create tension or trust. Your use of another's time shows them how important they are to you.

Everyone likes people who can go with the flow. Alessandra says charisma depends partly on how you make others feel. "Adaptability is building bridges to others by understanding how to treat them the way they want to be treated," he explains. "It's simply putting yourself in another person's shoes -- it's empathy in action."

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